I'm A Little PO'd So I'm Gonna Rant And Rave And Try Not To Use Any Cuss Words So That I Don't Offend Anyone!

**Image borrowed with love from CartoonStock **

I'm sure I can't be the only one who is having these problems.

There have to be others of you out there, fighting back the anger, tears, curses, screams of agony.

You might be afraid to come out of the shadows and talk about it, and I understand why you would choose to hide.

I'm talking about dealing with the Bermuda Triangle of Medicine:

1. Getting past the office staff to see or speak to the doctor.

2. Getting the doctor to agree to write you a script for the medication needed and for the amount needed.

3. Getting your insurance and your mail order pharmacy or retail pharmacy (I don't judge) to actually fill the frippin script in a timely matter, without confusion, mistakes, or having to call them everyday to speak to someone different everytime, which means you have to retell your story again and again and again, only to have the person tell you that they have solved all of your problems and also fixed world hunger on top of it.

Then you wait. And you wait and you wait and you wait.

After a few days of waiting with no reward at the end, you call again, only to find out that your script is not, in fact, in the mail as the previous fourty million people had told you, but this new person is going to solve all of your problems and end the war.

I feel like I am fighting the biggest battle of my life here. It's not the MS monster, it's not bullies at my childrens schools, it's not the economy, it's none of the things that should be a battle for me.

I am fighting my insurance and my mail order pharmacy because, even though I have been diagnosed for almost a year now, they still don't see the need in some of my MS medications. And I'm starting to get to a point where I don't see the need in having to explain why I need these medications to every Tom, Dick, and Shrilankitalutaria in India.

I understand that medications, such as Provigil, are outrageously expensive and, if I were the insurance company, I probably would want verification before I dispensed them to everyone and their brother too.

But I've done all of that. I have verificated until I thought my head was going to explode.

Yet, every time I call to order my refill, the battle begins again.

Maybe it's because the insurance companies know that people with MS tire out easily, especially if you don't send them their Provigil, and they're hoping that we'll just get so tired of fighting that we'll stop.

Little do they know that, while I may be exhausted, I am also extremeley stubborn.

I also hate to lose.

And I like to to have the last word, even if it's in a language I don't understand, I'm still crafty enough to make something up.

Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to actually have insurance and that they do, eventually, cover my meds. I know people who do not have insurance and are now fighting "The Man" to pay for their meds.

I'd rather fight with someone in India whom I can't understand than fight with "The Man".

My point to all of this is.........what was my point?

Oh, right! Now I remember.

My point is, why do we all have to fight?

Why is every step a battle to win or lose?

And why is Provigil so freakin expensive?????

I guess my problem is this: Everyday I have an "Ahhh-Haaa!" moment where I realize that my MS is here for the rest of my life. I don't know if those moments will wear off in a few years, when all of this isn't still new to me, but I have been diagnosed with MS for almost a year now and I'm still having those moments.

It may come after a fall or on a day when I'm in a tremendous amount of pain. Other days it might show up when I'm walking around in circles because my memory is so bad that I can't remember anything that I needed to do.

Maybe it's the moment that I have to tell my daughter that I can't go with her as a chaperone on her field trip this year, even though I've gone every year before, because I can't walk as much and I can barely keep track of myself, nevermind five children that are not mine.

The look on her face and the tone of her voice when she said "It's ok mom, I understand." is an "Ahh-Haaaa" moment that hits you like a slap to the face.

But now I find myself wondering if living with MS for the rest of my life also includes fighting with my insurance company and my mail order pharmacy for the rest of my life as well?

I'm willing to go into battle for a lot of things: my husband who didn't plan on taking care of me at 30 when he married me at 20, my kids who don't deserve to have a disease come in and take their mother away, and even for myself because I once was, still am, a person who was involved with my childrens lives, who loved to laugh, who kept having ideas for books she was going to write, who loved to read romance novels constantly. All of those are worthy reasons to go into battle.

I just don't know if I'm up for battling the Bermuda Triangle Of Medicine.

How many of you out there have the same problems?

Please tell me that I'm not alone in this!

I Would Like To Know Who The Wise Man/Woman Was That Said That Quote So That I Can Find Them And Punch Them In The Forehead

I've had a rough couple of weeks.

What's funny about that statement, though, is that they were also pretty wonderful too.

Contradicting, I know.

But I've been told many times, by different people, that I tend to be a "Walking Contradiction" so I'm basically just sticking to form.

The wonderful part was that my mother-in-law, whom I've spoken about on here before, left today after a 12 day visit.

And even though we didn't plan it to happen this way, her visit happened during the same time that my two oldest monkeys were out of school for Spring Break.

I don't know if it's because I'm a stay-at-home mother and I don't have to conform to a 9-5 job schedule, but dates, times, and even days of the week just slip past me without my knowing it.

I knew that Mary Jane was planning a visit sometime in April but I could never remember the dates and, for some reason, I guess I thought that April was six week long.

So, when she called last Monday to give me her flight schedule so that I could set up a car service to pick her up at the airport and bring her to our house, my reply to her was "Oh yes, I'll get all of that taken care of. I have plenty of time to take care of all of that."

To which she replied "Well, I suppose so if you consider from Monday to Thursday being plenty of time".

That's when the old brain motors started firing up (and I do believe smoke started coming out of my ears from my brain not having to function in a while) and I said "Wait a second...You mean this Thursday? As in: Today is Monday, then there's Tuesday, Wednesday, and then you're coming Thursday?"

The good news is, she's been going to MS support group meetings and so she knows that I'm not an idiot. She said "Yes, that's the Thursday I'm talking about."

She arrived on that Thursday, the last day of school for the monkeys before Spring break started, and stayed 12 days and left today, the day the monkeys went back to school.

How amazing was that for not planning?

While she was here, she did so many of the things that have been on my "To Do" list for months now and so much more. She cooked amazing food and even made extra so that we have ready meals in the freezer, she painted the girl monkey's future bedroom (I had been planning to do that for two months and could never get enough energy worked up to do it), she drove me to doctors appointments and shopping spots, which was wonderful as my eyesight has been a bit blurry lately, kept the monkeys in line, and most of all was just here.

Just her being here was such a tremendous comfort to me. I spend most of my days holed up in the house, most of the time not even getting out of my pj's until it's time to put on clean ones, and having conversations with a 3 year old boy monkey, who I'm pretty sure doesn't listen to me. I think he must get that from his father.

The bad part was that I felt like poo the entire time.

In fact, I've felt like poo for the past three weeks and nothing seems to be making it better.

My fatigue is worse than ever, I have severe pain in my neck, lower back, hips, and legs, and have a constant headache. To top that off, I'm falling down frequently. I'm kind of starting to feel like a bowling pin being constantly knocked down by an enormous, invisible bowling ball.

I've alway had a problem asking others for help.

I don't know if I'm afraid of being told "no" or looking weak or lazy, but asking for help has just never been something that I've ever been good at.

That's why having Mary Jane here is so great.

She doesn't wait for you to ask. She just does.

No questions asked, no accusations of laziness or weakness, and there are no strings attached.

Another great thing about having her here is that she makes me do things that I've been avoiding. I call it "procrastination" or "waiting for just the right moment". Both she and The Hubs call it "avoidence".

Potato, potaaaato I say.

And before I knew it, 12 days had flown by like the blink of an eye and I woke up this morning and sat with her while we waited for the car service to come and pick her up and take her back to the airport to go back to her land of sunshine and warmth.

Appropriately, it's rained here all day. Even Mother Nature is matching my mood.

And so, now I'm back to sitting around in my pj's all day, watching countless hours of cartoons, and having conversations on a 3 year old level to a WeeBoy Monkey who probably isn't listening.

But such is life.

As one wise person (I'm sure they had to be wise) once said

"All Good Things Must Come To An End."

That has never been more true for me than today.

Thanks for being here Mary Jane. You truly are a wonderful, amazing person who always seems to show up right when I need you most.