Wednesday, February 11, 2009

This One Might Get A Bit...Well...Bit%cy...Consider Yourselves Warned!

I have had so many reasons to get up on my soapbox lately. The problem is, I haven't had the energy to climb up there, nevermind unload all of my ramblings once I get there.
I guess my first gripe would have to be about that lady that just gave birth to eight babies, making her offspring total a whopping 14 children.
Here's my thing and if I offend you, I do hope you forgive me sooner or later and come back. I'm usually not this serious but there are just times when one needs to bitch and my time has come.

I had a doctors appointment this morning and as I was sitting in the waiting room, trying to control the weemonkey, I overhear on CNN on the TV, that the lady that just squished out eight babies is planning to support her family with her food stamps.

Listen, I know that times are tough and everyone hits a rough patch and you've gotta do what you gotta do to put food in your babies mouths.

But from what CNN said, she's had this plan since she went in there and told them to put every live embryo within a 100 mile radius in her uterus and to wish her luck!

I have no problem with the fact that she's a single mom. Sometimes a womans life doesn't go the way they planned but they still want to be a mother, husband or no, and science has given them a way to do that. I was actually raised by a single mom from the time I was 12 until I married and move out on my own. My mom had no college degrees. She was a beautician in the 60's but she really couldn't fall back on that since nobody was looking for a sky high teased beehive in the early 90's. Oh, if only Amy Winehouse had come along sooner!

So, to make ends meet, my mom spent her days working as a secretary in a Real Estate Office and her evenings were spent working at a Wendy's. You should have seen our dog go nuts every night mom came home from her evening job! That dog would barely let mom in the door before she started licking every inch of mom's shoes, lower pants legs, and when mom changed, the dog tried to devour her shirt and hat. The point is, my mom suddenly found herself divorced, unemployed, raising a rebellious teenage daughter, living in a house that had a mortgage she didn't think she could pay, and she was scared to death.

But instead of doing nothing and running to the government offices (I honestly have no idea who passes out the food stamps) mom went out and filled out applications for any place that had employees. And she was exhausted by the time she got home from working her second job of the day, but she was making it on her own. I can only imagine what the must have felt like.

** On A Side Note: You know, I bet that's why food scented perfumes have never been big. Guys probably loved it when their ladies smelled like a nice New York Strip, the problem was, dogs loved them even more!**

Amyway, the single mom thing is not my problem.

My problem is that the government will pay for this woman to help support her growing family. The more she pops out, the more money she gets. It wasn't like she accidently got pregnant with eight babies. It was all very much planned. And now she has 14 children, her mother seems to be a bit of a psycho, and our tax dollars are paying for all of it.

On the other hand, here I am, diagnosed with MS, unable to walk most of the time, unable to get a job, and paying an arm and a leg once a month to get my Tysabri infusions. That's ONE medication. That's not even counting the Provigil for fatigue, the anti-depressant to treat the depression that comes from MS and the depression that comes from the medications that I'm taking for MS. Then there's pain medicine, baquelofen (spelled that one wrong) for spacsticity, co-pays for the endless doctors visits, the walker, the scooter, the cane, the handicap accessible bathroom renovation.

The government didn't offer to help us with that.

And to make it worse, until I became a mother, I went to work at some sort of job from the age of 16. At 21, I was blessed to become a mother and married to a man who had the same family values and thought it was important for me to be a stay-at-home mother.

In the beginning, it was a hard road to travel. The baby had all these allergies and needed a special formula that was $25 a can and she went through a can and a half a day. I was clipping coupons for everything on my list and if I didn't have a coupon, that item didn't make the list.

When I quit working, I got a pamphlet in the mail saying that I had all of the required credits if I should ever become disabled. Imagine my surprise when I called a few months ago and was told that since all but two of those credits were earned BEFORE I turned 21, they didn't count. Magically disappeared. And now, I've got nothing.

I can't get any kind of government assistance at all. And yet, this woman can choose to have more children and she gets foodstamps, not to mention that she'll probably get WIC while those eight babies are little. Then she'll get a book deal or a reality TV show and have more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime. And I'll still be sitting here, worrying about how I'm going to pay for my next prescription.

Liberty and Justice For All....You don't say......

Another thing that's been bothering me is that I've been getting told from all different angles that I need to find a daycare for my 2 year old son for my "bad days".

For a while, I tried to convince myself that I agreed with everyone.

But then I sat down and thought "What do I want and what would be best for the weemonkey?"

I decided that I couldn't make any kind of informed decisions without going and checking one out. The place was run by the owner/only employee and she seemed really nice. She only takes in 8 kids at a time and I thought a small group could be good. The place was clean, the toys were newer and seemed to have all parts intact. There was a lot of natural light, great views out the windows. Healthy snacks and meals were served.

Maybe this could work.

Then I stood back and watched the dynamic of this facility. Well, I was told to stand where none of the kids could see me "Maybe it will help you and your son finally cut that cord!" she said.

I watched as every half hour to 45 minutes, the owner/only employee would open on of the second story windows where she already had the screen popped out. She would then lean out the window as far as she could and smoke 1 or 2 ciggarettes. Her back to the kids, she didn't know that a lot of them noticed what she was doing, hanging out the window like that, and by the looks on their faces, they thought that looked like fun.

Then it was snack time. She brings out 10 cups of juice and sets them on a child height table. Then she leaves and returns with a tray of fruits and veggies and a bowl of ranch dressing. She leaves this on the child height table with the cups. Then she remembers that she was supposed to take one of the kids to the potty twenty minutes ago and rushes him off to the bathroom.

I then watched in horror as these two kids, who were obviously sick, meander over to the table and drink out of every cup. Then on grabbed a carrot. He sucked on it for a minute and then stuck it in the ranch dressing bowl. Then he sucked the dressing off of the carrot twice before putting the carrot back on the tray with the other carrots. The other child kept sticking his grubby hands in the ranch dressing, licking the dressing off, and then repeating about a gagillion times.

When the owner/only employee finally came back, I told her about the food bandits and she laughed and said "Oh, you must have just thought they did that! They wouldn't take a flea if they thought it belonged to a dog! hahahahahhahahahaha"

I coyly walked over to my enormous purse/bag and grabbed a bag of fruit snacks, some animal crackers, and the weemonkey's sippy cup and that was his snack. I'm sure he's the only one that was there that day that doens't have a stream of neon green snot coming out of their noses. YUCK!!!

Now, I know that not all daycares are like this. And I do understand that some people have no choice but to use daycare so they can work. But I have to say, I was ashamed at myself because the reason I was looking at a daycare was because sometimes I have bad days and need to take naps to make it through.

Then I started looking back over those bad days and realized that they weren't so bad.

The weeman loves to nap so when I took a nap, he was right beside me, snoring away.

And while on a normal day, I read six or more books to him, on these bad days I always read atleast two. He was given snacks and lunches that hadn't already been tasted, and he was the only one drinking out of his cup.

We still practiced writing and did his ABC flashcards that he loves. And he always seemed happy, never cheated.

So, why do I need to take him to a daycare where someone isn't going to watch him as well as I do or know what he's trying to say when he's speaking caveman?

All of that being said, I've decided that, while I do have MS, it hasn't taken my ability to be a mother away from me.

No daycare for us. Thank you for the concerns but it's just not going to happen.

As I've said before, sometime MS might get me down but don't ever count me out. I'm still kicking ass here!


Bee said...

I agree with you Tracy. My mom struggled to make ends meet and she did on her own. That woman is off her rocker and so are the doctors that implanted so many embryos. All for what? Money? They should be de-doctorized.

I really hope she doesn’t get a reality show. I do watch Jon and Kate + 8 but I think they just wanted 1 more kid besides their twins. They jut happened to have an additional 6 more.

The system is completely f*cked up. Working at a doctor’s office I see young HEALTHY women with Medicaid and then taking out their $2 copay out of their Coach purse. Ummm I have a job and I can’t afford a Coach purse. Added to that I never buy anything full price and always use a coupon too.

I’m glad you decided against the daycare since you would have been riddled with guilt the whole time your son was there.

I really wish I could help you in some way Tracy. :o(

Kelley said...

I completely understand your position. However, have you considered a Mother's Day Out program? Usually churches run them once or twice a week. The weemonkey would get to socialize with kids his own age and you could get some time to yourself. So, if you're having a good day, you could do something just for you.

I've read that you used to be Supermom. Stop being so hard on yourself about not being a Supermom anymore. We set lofty goals for ourselves to be perfect. Then when we fall short, we beat ourselves up. You are an awesome mom just as you are!


Bald Ben said...


I wrote a patented Bald Ben, long winded rant, I have decided to save you and give you just the highlights:

First off, F' the baby maker.

Now there is a mess that has gotten exponentially larger with children and television cameras. Great…

F’ CNN and the cable news conglomeration who rush to the scene wagging their pixilated fingers hawking some sort of high minded point of view, all the while digging through the trash for the next great lead, adding to the moral turpitude.

The Office was on TBS last night I watched that, not the octo-mommy. I think I did the right think. I laughed a lot more.

The more coverage it gets, somehow it is deemed more successful, justifying the very behavior we all find so repugnant.

I am not blaming TV; I am blaming a society that finds this important.

I am not blaming you

I think we need to hear more stories about people like you.

Tracy: MS patient who is turning herself inside out to take care of her kids and family.

I suppose the only thing we can do is abide by our own, and it sounds as if you are doing exactly that.

One of my deepest fears about this illness is how it will affect my kids.

I wish there was a pill for the helpless feelings that MS conjures.

Screw anyone who thinks they know better then you about the inner workings of your family.

F’ Capitol Hill.

It is amazing how the sick are treated in our country and “octo-mommy” is getting some kind of free pass

I do believe however that food stamps help people, welfare does help people.

I would rather have a broken, over used system then see these children starved.

What this woman is doing is indefensible, this we all know, but sometimes we have to take the chafe with the wheat.

The long and short of it is that we just need more people that care as much as you do.

Bald Ben

Denver Refashionista said...

Pisses me off too. Why is it that all the stupid people are popping out a bizillion kids. Excuse me for using the word stupid but who wants to have eight kids at once?


Yeah, don't want to think about the mom of 14 under age 6.

What irks me is that your work credits don't count. What's up with that!?! So work doesn't count unless you are legal to drink?

Mother's Day Out sounds like an excellent idea for both you and the Weemonkey.

pUNKrOCKfairy said...

Sounds to me like your mom-skillz are kickin' ass even on your "bad" days. As a mom who has worked out of the house and inside the house for all of my kids lives, I know that perspective is usually what you really need in these types of dilemmas. Sounds like you got yours at that day care you visited. I paid exorbitant amounts of money for an excellent day care after the Daddy-works -in-the-day, mommy-works-at-night plan couldn't be done anymore. It was really an excellent place, and STILL I felt guilty. I bet you and the shorty are better off leaving well enough alone.

J Patrick Leer said...

Tracy, I enjoy your thinking.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

herrad said...

Hi Tracey,

Strange your work credits don´t count, the day care place certainly clarified things for you.

Can you organise a day for yourself every now and again so that you can have some time to you.

Chrystal said...

Oh my dear Tracy, I so agree with you. This mother of 14 kids is crazy. I know she is going to college and wants to become a teacher or child something, but after 6 wouldn't you quit, especially if you were single, and your name wasn't the Duggers. I also have to state that she will probably recieve free diapers, cothing, food, and formula, from all the major coporations out there, not only that but from other families that do invetro. And here I am a part time worker and stay at home mom, paying for all of this. I couldn't afford to send my children to day care. I would be going to work just to pay for child care. whats the point.

And you know what I so loved coming home everyday, knowing my mom was there. I can only hope that the two rugrats that are in school feel the same way. I have a snack and drink ready for them and we do homework, just like my mom did with me.

And as Bee says I also watch Jon and Kate, but hello, they are getting paid just for having there children, all their trips are paid for, and you know you never see him working, I know Jon has a job, but I would love to see what he does.

Maybe I will go and get my tubes untied and just start poping out babies. Then I could have my own reality show called Mom's Gone Crazy.

Then while on this subject, the teenage pregnancies, I know we had our fair share in HS. But when the child is 12 and has her second one bye the age of 16, there is something wrong. This is probably the kids parents are at work. So be lucky your a stay at home mom. I feel so sorry for women and couples who cannot have children, but yet all the kids do, and in the end we are all paying the bill.

When I had my first child I was single and worked until I couldn't, which was at 5 months, because I had him at 24 weeks. He was in the hospital for 5 weeks 2 days, within a week I found a job and took care of us. I never went on assistance, He was also on expensive formula, Nutramigin. I had to pay for it, and all his medical bills.

Okay I haven't vented for a while, so sorry, I had to take it out on this page. But I feel so comfortable with you.

Casey said...

Hi, I am new to your blog so I hope you don't mind! I totally agree with you. I am not usually a judgmental person but things like this get to me. I would have no problem with her and her family size if she was taking care of them herself and not relying on the government. Then people who really need help for disability get not help, it is annoying.

I was recently diagnosed with transverse myelitis, which is alot like MS. I might have MS we are still waiting on my lumbar puncture results. Anyways, due to this my husband has had to rearrange his work schedule so he can take care of the kids on my bad days. My bad days I can't physically get out of bed and I am in so much pain I want to scream. I am currently not on a treatment, I am on a muscle relaxer and pain managment, because we aren't sure if it is just tm or if it is MS. Either way it sucks and Iam in pain. At the age of 27 I have to use a walker and that really gets to me. We decided not to put our younger kids in daycare because it just isn't for us. Our older to attend preschool, one goes to a disability preschool, but I can't send my 2 year old and 4 month old, no way. Anyways, I know how you feel and I am sorry you are going through all of this. I think our health care system needs some work. It will take us several years to pay off the medical debt I have incurred since the beginning of January and there are more to come. It pisses me off this octouplet mom is living off the system when she wouldn't have to if she would change things and not decide to bring 8 innocent lives into this world when she can't even pay for her 6 she has. ARGH..


Diane J Standiford said...

Have had many of your same thoughts. It is all so unfair sometimes. %^&*( Keep kickin'


Hehe...what? You no likey crazy California woman?!? Now THAT is what the government *should* be regulating...STOOPID people who can breed. Of course, there would be many an argument for what constituted "stoopid"...

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