Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It's Kind Of Like "Hide N' Seek" Except for I Don't Stop Hiding And I'm Definately Not seeking..

My husband seems to think that I've become a recluse. I have no idea why he would think such a thing.
What just because I don't ever leave the house?
Or answer the phone?
Or invite friends over?
Ok, it would seem that I'm not making a great argument for myself here.
It's not because I'm a recluse, though. I have valid reasons for each of those examples.
*I don't leave the house because it's winter here in West By God Virginia (if you're a native, that's how you have to say it) and it's colder than a witches hoohaa outside. I don't do cold. That's nothing new.
I hate all of the bundling up then getting in the car and getting hot cause the heater is on high so I have to un-bundle, then when I get to my destination I have to bundle up again.
I hate the wind, the snow, the bitterness of winter. Always have, always will.
Nothing new there.

*And yes, I may have stopped answering the phone but that's because I feel that I just don't have anything to say. I hate making small talk about nothing and I hate even more that every conversation leads to me talking about my MS and then the person on the other end of the line starts feeling all sorry for me.
Plus, there are times when the phone will ring and I look at the caller ID and think "Ugh, I just cannot deal with a conversation with so and so right now."

*I haven't invited anyone over lately because that means that I would have to:
1. clean up the house
2. shower and change out of my sweatpants and long sleeved t-shirt that has become my uniform.
3. Put on a Bra. Ugh...I would rather fight a bear than put that contraption on.
4. Have interesting things to talk about.

Ok, yes I get it. Those are horrible reasons and I need to snap out of it. But for some reason I just feel, well, stuck.

Kind of like that but with a few changes. First of all, I would not be outside, nevermind climbling a tree, and of course, it's missing my sweat pants. Oh and I'm not a dog. Yeesh, I haven't let myself go that bad! But other than that, I feel exactly like that.

The thing is, though, I don't feel isolated or alone. I'm not wandering around the house, wringing my hands, crying, and depressed because I'm alone.

In fact, it's quite the opposite.

The weemonkey and I hang out, watch cartoons, and play. And then we take a nice nap. Then we wake up, have lunch, do some coloring. It's all very important stuff we do. I've almost taught him how to write his name, we're in the process of potty training (the weemonkey, not myself) and we stay inside, warm and unbothered.

I know that I should be calling my friends (all two or three of them) and having them over for playdates and coffee but I'm just not up to it. And it has nothing to do with my friends or their kids. I just prefer my days to be the way they are.

No schedule, no structure, just me and the weeman. And then when the older monkeys get home, we do homework and wait for The Hubs to get home.

I'll be the first to admit that it's not exactly the "jet setter" life that some people feel they need to have. I know those people, I once was one. I was Super Mom! Always on the go, always volunteering at the school, taking the kids to dance classes, having playdates, go, go, go.

Then I realized, that in all that time playing Super Mom, I wasn't taking care of myself and I wasn't really spending time with my family. I guess, in that way, you could say that the MS has been a blessing or a wake up call.

I have decided to look at it this way.

Maybe I'm not becoming a recluse so much as I'm in a form of hibernation, waiting for the Winter and all of it's cold and bitterness to go away so that I can come back out and "bloom" in the Spring.

Now, doesn't that sound so much better than being a recluse?

P.S. I still haven't gotten my first injection of Tysabri. They've rescheduled me for the third time now. Supposedly, this Thursday is my day. We'll see. Maybe the 3rd time will be a charm!


Denver Refashionista said...

I can relate. When I don't have to work I often just want to hole up. I love to sleep and relax. I don't really like going out much or doing much of anything although I am making an effort on behalf of my friends, family and husband but honestly, I'd often rather be napping.

Patrick @ Caregivingly Yours said...

We often joked that if it were not for company we might never be motivated to clean up the place.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

herrad said...

Happy hibernating now and get ready to bloom in Spring.

Enjoyed your post and reading through your blog.

Will put it on my blog.


my partners blog is


Dan said...

I hate winter to, I'm seriously moving to Texas in a few years.
Spring is almost here, what do you do with all your animals in the winter?

Anonymous said...