Oh Geesh, This Can Be Hard Work!!!

I happened to look at my blogger dashboard and was appalled that I haven't posted since December 23rd! That's last year, for crying out loud!
I keep finding myself in a daze, as if I'm unable to convince my brain that it actually is 2009.
I mean, yes I'm forgetful and I do tend to misplace things, but it would appear that I've gone and misplaced a whole entire year! Well, not exactly the ENTIRE year, more like from May to December. You do the math..then get back to me on how long exactly that is, okay?

I'm not one to make resolutions for the new year. I find that if I make a resolution, this impossible goal that suddenly seems possible after several glasses of champagne or Old Milwakees Best (hey, I don't judge), then you're already setting the year ahead up for failure, depression, and anger.
I think that I unwillingly go through that enough already, don't you?

So, since I don't have to do all of that thinking over what resolutions I'm going to not stick with, I've had a lot of thinking time. And, even more bizarre, I found a lot of things funny.

This is what I've realised: I have said more bizarre, childlike, even spacey things to people over the last eight months than I have in my entire life.
Here are just a few that I remember:

1. To the Dodson's Exterminator "What time do you think you'll be here because my naptime is between 11-2 and I can't be disturbed during my naptime."

2. The conversation with the DirecTV guy who came to move our lines after our renovations:
Him: Mam, would it be ok if I use your phone?
Me: Sure. Would you like to push or look?
Him: Uhmmm, excuse me?
Me: [HUGE sigh as if he's the idiot] Do you want to push or look?
Him: I just want to use your phone?
Me: Yes, I understand that you want to use the phone. What you don't understand is the fact that I tend to put things in places that I don't remember and that don't make sense. So, would you like to push the "page" button for the phone or look for the phone?
Him: Uhm, push?
Me: Ok then! Get to pushin!

And do you know where I found the phone? In the dryer. The dryer that was running, drying towels. Yeah, I know.

3. I told my "center" child to pick up her suitcase. She looked around the room and said "Where is it?" "It's right at your feet, child! Look down and you'll see your suitcase!"
She then looked down, then the lightbulb visibly went on in her head, she had realized that her mother was a boob. She then looked at me and said "This here {pointing at the "suitcase" to which I shook my head "yes"] Well, I'll pick it up and put it away but I refuse to call my SLEEPING BAG my SUITCASE!"
Yeah, I was trying to tell her to pick up her sleeping bag but for some reason, suitcase was what was coming out.

4. I have said, on numerous occasions, to my husband "You really do love me, dontcha?"
That statement usually followed conversations like this:
12:15 p.m.
Me:Hey, honey? Did you get the mail today?
Him: No, it hasn't come yet.
Me: Oh, okay.
12:30 p.m.
Me: Hey, honey? Did you get the mail today?
Him: [letting out a slow, deep, meditation like breath then says through gritted teeth] No, it hasn't come yet.
Me: Oh, okay.
12:45
Me: Hey, honey?
Him: No IT HASN'T COME YET!
Me: How did you know what I was going to ask you?
Him: Because this is the third time you've asked in the last half hour.
Me: And you didn't strangle me?
Him: No, but the urge might have been there.
Me: Awww, babe, you really do love me, dontcha?
Him: Yes and who would raise the kids if I strangle you and then get myself put in jail?
Me: I'm going to ignore that last part and just go with "You really do love me".

I guess that's one of the good things about having this disease. When I feel like I'm going crazy, it's always comforting to know that I'm driving the people around me just as crazy so I'm not alone.

Ahhhh..The Holidays Are Coming..Whether I Like It Or Not

Well, Christmas is officially on it's way. Only 2 days away.

I'm in such a strange place. I'm not in the "Christmas Spirit" at all. And this is very unlike me.

I am usually one of those people who get so excited about the holidays. I have about ten totes filled to the brim with Christmas decorations, dishes, a Dickens Style village, and an enormous Santa figurine collection.

Every year before, you would walk in my house into a house that looks like Christmas threw up all over it.

This year, I had to be forced to get a tree. And the decor is at a bare minimum.

What is wrong with me?

This is kind of what I'm dealing with:

Before:

Okay, this is not really my house but you get the idea.

And Now:

Sad, isn't it?

The funny thing is, though, is that nobody has noticed. Well, I have but none of the other people in the house haven't noticed a thing.

None of the children have said "Hey mom? Where's the Dickens villiage that you always tell us not to touch?" or "Where are all of those weird Santas that you stick everywhere around the house?"

It's amazing. They're as happy as can be and they don't even care that it's the bare minimum.

Which leaves me to wonder, who the hell was I doing all of that for? The hubs could have cared less, the kids seem almost relieved that there's nothing that they will be yelled at if they touch, and I'm not exhausted from putting everything out and then dreading putting it all away when the holiday was over.

It's all kind of strange and wonderful at the same time.

Another thing that has changed about this Christmas is that we are staying home for the first time ever. Before, we always traveled to see family. We would either fly to Arizona to see my inlaws. And while it was always nice to see both of them (I mean that, I have truly been blessed with wonderful in-laws) have you ever tried to fight through an airport with three little kids and a thousand carry-ons, rushing to your gate so that you don't miss your flight only to find out that it's been delayed for three hours?

So, you open the carry on that has all of the activities that you were planning on using for the plane and try to entertain them for three hours. Then you finally get on the plane for the five hour flight and you've spent all of your activities in the airport and the kids are bored and they don't want to sit still and the guy in front of you reclines his seat as you're bent over, digging through bags trying to find snacks or ipods or DVD players. You finally find that thing that your one child wants and she's happy but then the other asks for something so you're digging again and that is the moment that your two year old son decides to find out how the table works and it slams down on the back of your head. And you're trying not to lose it because you haven't even LEFT THE GROUND YET but it's getting really hard. Then there's the endless trips to the bathroom and then the baby decides to poop and have you ever tried to change the poopy diaper of a toddler in an airplane bathroom????

The times we didn't fly to Arizona, we normally drove to Connecticutt to see the rest of the hubs family and while driving is a little better than the plane, there's the endless potty stops and complaints about being cold/hot/bothered/unhappy with the world in general.

Then you get to your destination, where a family member has offered to let you stay in their guestroom and sleeping arrangements are insane and you really don't want the kids touching anything in the house. And you're spending the whole time trying to convince the hubs' side of the family that just because you are from West By God Virginia, you are not a hillbilly and yet your children are walking around acting like the Clampets and you just want to scream!

Now, don't get me wrong, I love seeing the family but I always end up stressed out because I want my children to look perfect and act perfect and WHO ARE WE KIDDING? They are children!

So, this year, we have decided that we are making Christmas all about us and our little family of five. We are going to have the traditional Catholic/Italian Christmas Eve dinner of seafood and then we're going to watch...oh I'm so giddy about this!!!!....The first one of the marathon of A Christmas Story on TNT!!! I have watched that marathon every year of my existence and I love it. Then we'll wake up Christmas morning and open presents in, get this, our pajamas!!!! Then the hubs will make his famous "Big Breakfast" and I am going to make a Christmas dinner that involves making my first ever turkey. Pray for us that I don't kill us all from salmonela!

It may not sound as exciting as going to Arizona or Conecticutt but it's going to be ours and I can't tell you how happy I am about this.

Now, if I could just get that Christmas Spirit that everyone is talking about.....

The World Is Not Safe For Anyone Right Now!

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. Mine was pretty good. It went by quickly though. We couldn't find anyone to watch the Funny Farm animals so we had to make the three hour trip to my mom's on Wednesday and then do the three hour drive back home on Thursday after we had stuffed ourselves to the point of popping.
I don't know why, but long drives seem to kick my butt now. When I was 18, I could pack a duffel bag with a change of clothes and a toothbrush and take a road trip with my best friend without a moments notice.
But when we got home Thursday evening, I felt like I had been in the boxing ring for 12 rounds and lost terribly. I don't think I got out of bed at all on Friday.
It's good that we didn't stay all weekend at my moms like we normally do because she would have talked me in to going shopping on Black Friday like she always does. I don't know how this happens, really. Every year, we get to my moms and I make the declaration "I don't care if you go or not, but I am NOT going shopping on Black Friday!" And then I suddenly find myself in the middle of the mall or WalMart, fighting for my life.
This year I knew that the marathon shopping was not going to happen for me. I'm starting to acknowledge that I have limitations. I don't like them, but I know that they are there. And I know that one of those limitations definately include not going shopping on black Friday.
And after watching the news, I am so glad that I stayed put in my comfy bed!
I know that the people that go shopping on black Friday are looking for great deals but I didn't know that this meant that they would throw aside all of their manners, compassion, empathy, and human decency to do it. And for the love of all that's holy, where is the Christmas Spirit?
Stampedeing over a WalMart Employee? Shootings in a Toys R Us?
It's like they've turned into wild animals!
Can't you just imagine Christmas morning with one of these people?
Gift Recipient: Oh wow, a laptop! Thanks..But I already have a laptop..
Gift Giver/Rabid Animal: Do you know how many people I had to TRAMPLE OVER to get you that laptop? You better smile like you like it!

I am just so glad I didn't go. I would have hate to put dents and scratches all over my brand new scooter by running over these rude people. And I haven't even upgraded my horn yet so the only warning they would have is a tiny little "beep beep" before I plowed them.

This year, I'm sticking to shopping online. How are you all doing it?