I've started to notice that a lot of my friends are starting to disappear. It's like this widespread epidemic!
From a medical point of view, I knew that my life was going to change when I was diagnosed with MS seven months ago. Hell, it had already started changing before I was diagnosed. I was worried about things like losing the ability to walk and see. I was worried about how I would go on to be a stay at home mom if I could barely take care of myself. I still worry about that now.
My MIL told me that she has a friend with MS and he says that it stands for "Many Surprises" and I think that's pretty fitting. Atleast in my case, I never know how I'm going to wake up one day to the next.
What I didn't expect to change was how people who knew me before MS would start to look at me differently. They talked to me in a different way. I had some who would try to help out by asking me everything about MS and then I had some who figured that they would just ignore it all together.
The thing was..I used to be a pretty fun person to be around. I loved to laugh and most of the words that came out of my mouth had a sarcastic tone to them. But suddenly, to my friends, I'm this broken, fragile little person who can't be toyed with.
I've had some that have stopped calling all together. Two of my closest friends used to call everyday and we could spend hours on the phone. Now I haven't heard from either one of them in months.
But I will say, I have found some funny sides to this kind of thing.
The hubs has a Great Aunt who is in her 90's and lives in Connecticut. She's a very interesting lady, spent her life working for the FBI but she won't tell you what she did, at 80 she wanted a new car (new car to her meant used car new to her) but the one she wanted was a stick shift so she taught herself how to drive it. She's never been married or have any children and she's not exactly the kind of person to pity someone.
During a phone call, my MIL was talking to her and Aunt said "So where is Tracy? Is she around, could I talk to her?" My MIL told her that I had just gone upstairs to use the bathroom. Aunt did this tisk, tisk noise and said "Oh that poor thing."
When I got on the phone I said "I know, right? You'd think that they could fix something! I mean, I have MS and I still have to go pee..where's the justice in that?"
See, I'm still me.
The thing is, I'm a little more dangerous now. Think about it. Most of the time I use a cane. The cane is long. One time, the hubs said something and I wanted to hit him but he was out of reach so I whacked him with the cane. The hubs says that the cane hurts.
And I just found out yesterday that I'm getting my motorized scooter. Just think of the damage I'll be able to do to someone with that puppy! And I can double it if I hold the cane while driving the scooter. No one is safe!
I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt that these people have disappeared from my life or some of the ones who have stayed look at me differently. I'm just hoping that if I keep showing them that I'm still here, they'll get it. And the ones that are gone, I guess they were in my life as long as they were supposed to be, right?
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11 comments:
I'm still here. I'm sure you weren't referring to me though, but I'm still here. I knew you were awesome when you posted the pictures of how you want to trick out your scooter.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with loved ones that don't know how to quite handle this situation. Sometimes people have good intentions, but they end up doing more damage than good. Hey, when you want to have a scooter race, let me know. I'll find something to race you in. I definitely will!!
This blog is great. How can you go wrong with a title that includes sarcasm, Kids and MS? I was over at "No Empire" and noticed a new addition to her roll and thought I had to take a look. I am glad I did.
So at the risk of sounding all Charles Manson here...I'm gonna add you to my page as well. Let me know if that is weird or whatever, but I'm gonna do it. There aren't too many dudes out here for some reason. That's cool though, I guess I'm just the sensitive type.
As to your post.... I was real lucky with my friends, they were all there for me when I needed them. Granted they all knew there was something severely wrong with my brain, the diagnosis was just confirmation. The only thing I found was people seemed to get a little skittish when I made jokes about MS. I figured I have the damn thing I can say whatever I want. They got over it.
Although it's funny when they have a good shot at me you can always see that look of, "oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that." I'm glad they did. Be well. See you around.
That's a mighty rough bag. You seem to have a strong spirit. Perhaps all this will still change. Hang in there.
You best not be talking to me fool,I gonna have to grab my scooter and do a drive by on ya,
Are you scared now? Well you shouldn't be, its just your crazy stalker, As for your other friends, you want me to take them out for ya, This for you would be free of charge. Then As you look back all you will see is your stalker BOO.Now ur scared.
Lame. Those people are lamer than you or anyone else with MS.
It should be obvious that change is inevitable and easier to deal with with "a little help from my friends."
But some people are just chicken shit. I say pity THEM for their frailty, not yours.
*wriggles into her 'I heart Tracy' shirt*
The hardcore members of your fanclub are still here! Is that a good thing though? lol
Friendships and Family can defiantly change...
Since I was diagnosed, My Mother has called me once on the subject, (two days after telling her) to tell me to "get Montel William's book, because he has MS too" - That was the extent of the conversation, and she hasn't called since (8 months later) to ask for anything other than how to get a hold of my sister.
Then on the other end of the spectrum there are a few friends that it actually depresses me more to talk to them, because they dwell on it. They talk about how awful it is, and I just want to talk about normal things, and feel good about the good things.
I hate feeling like I'm less than...
I like your profile photo! And I apparently like some of the same music as you: Tool, Alice in Chains, Amy Winehouse, Jimmy Buffet, DMB, Grateful Dead. Spooky.....
I love this blog! most of my friends are still here but the ones that can run (since I can't) are gone. the ones that can see to drive at night (I can't) are gone. but it's all good cuz' i've still got the ones that love me for real....and those are the ones that count!
I've had MS for 15 years and have seen a variety of reactions from friends and family. I try to remain positive and keep a sense of humor (like yours, mine can be dark and sarcastic). It used to gaul me when I'd be amongst "friends" with my cane or wheelchair and they wouldn't even acknowledge my problem! They wouldn't even ask how I was! Perhaps they didn't know what to say, which is irrelevant since I don't see them anymore. From my mother, I always get tears and pity...not helpful to me in the least. My true friends treat me like they always did, but acknowledge my declining ability and help accordingly. There's nothing like MS for letting you know who your true friends are!
I have noticed the friend thing too since I became ill. One of my good friends no longer has time for me and when we finally do schedule something she will cancel. A month ago she cancelled the day of saying she had to get ready for a party she was hosting that night. I didn't even get invited to the party and if she was hosting the stupid thing she would have known ahead of time to plan for it and get ready for it. It hurts b/c I thought we were close but now I feel like she is drifting away.
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