Monday, November 17, 2008

Oh Yeah! My Sisters, Cousins, Neices, Boyfriends, Uncle Had That!

One thing that I can't complain about, living in a small country town, is people trying to find some way to relate to your illness. (Hence, the title of this post)
Normally I don't go around telling everyone what's wrong with me, if I can help it. I've always been a private person and I would just rather not tell people who are basically strangers, like the other moms picking their kids up at school, all of the gory details of my walk down MS Lane.
But you always find that one person, I know that every one of you reading know exactly who I'm talking about, who not only completely understand what you're going through but they can relate in some very, extremely, not even "Seven Degrees To Kevin Bacon" sort of way.
Here are just a few of the responses I've gotten when I've told people that I had MS (after them badgering me because TRUST ME, they didn't get it easily!) Followed by what I wanted to say but didn't:

1. Oh yeah! MS. Oh that's some nasty stuff! When I was little, back in the 50's, we would go and visit my aunt who lived in Florida, and she had a neighbor who's daughter had MS. Oh she was such a mess! She had to live with her parents for her entire life cause she just couldn't take care of herself. Isn't that a shame!

*Well, yes, actually that is a shame. But you wanna know what's even more of a shame? The fact that you have no idea that you shouldn't have told me that story! Was it supposed to help in some sort of way? Funny, I don't feel helped.

2. Well, I'm sorry that you have MS but I just want you to know that I donate money every year to that Jerry Lee Lewis Telethon so in a way, if they ever find a cure, I paid for it for you!

*Ummm, thank you? Wrong disease though. That would me Muscular Dystrophy, not even the same initials, but thank you for paying for someone's cure!

3. That's just the worst thing that could ever happen, isn't it? What will you do? How will you go on? What kind of life is that? Not a good one, I'll tell you that!

* Well, up until THIS very second I was planning on actually, you know, living my life. Granted in a different way. But now I guess I'll just send the kids home on the bus and go jump of a bridge. Thanks!

Seriously! What is wrong with people?
It reminds me of when I was pregnant with my first child and still working and everyone, seriously everyone, even people I didn't know would walk up to me in stores and try to touch my belly and then tell me this horrible labor story!
It wasn't exactly the best time to tell me all that stuff! And where is this law written that anyone can touch a pregnant woman's belly, by the way? What, they figure somebody's already touched her so it's ok?
But that's a different rant for another day.
I have just never understood why people feel that they need to so desperately say something that they say these things. It doesn't make me feel better and I cannot believe that this person would walk away from the conversation thinking "Wow, I'm like Dr. Phil!"
The truth is, it's okay to just not say anything.
I don't need to hear the horror stories. I already have enough worry and what if's on my shoulders to last me.
I don't need you to say you're sorry. You didn't give it to me. Nobody knows how we get it.
I just feel like it's part of my life. That's it.

Maybe someone should start making shirts that say "It's MS, No not the thing Jerry Lewis does the telethon for, please don't say anything else unless you want to tell me how great my shoes are."
Cause I still wear great shoes.


Kelley said...

I want one of those shirts, too! Hee!

Seriously, I am sad that I had to give up high heels. But there are lots of cute low-heeled options, right?


Bald Ben said...

This is actually where the name of my blog came from, "did you know Montel has that?" Every time I told someone I had MS I got the same thing you did, they had to rationalize it somehow and in my world people seemed to want to equate it with celebrities.

Did you know Montel has that?

Did you know Terri Garr has that?

Dosen't Merideth Veria's Husband have that?

Didn't Richard Pryor die from that?

That one is always my favorite...well, no he didn't die from MS but he was pretty messed up because of it. Thanks for pointing that one out, slick.

I think it's funny that people have to comprehend it somehow, and in my life they have done it with the famous and incredible rich.


I find it's even WORSE when someone who HAS MS (and usually has had it for years) tries to tell me exactly what to expect or how I'm just going to end up in a wheelchair like them...because my mother personally birthed EVERYONE with MS, so we must all be from the same mold and with the same life experiences!

(BTW...have you seen Liam Sullivan's video "Shoes"? I think you might like it...hehe.)

Linda D. in Seattle

This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood said...

*falls off her chair laughing because she left a comment about MS and Teri Garr just recently*

Ok, I officially suck. Sorry for doing that to ya!

Chrystal said...

I'm sorry for reading your blog, but it keeps me up to date on how your feeling. I really do not know what you are going through. Its just since school we have always been there for each other, ups and downs, I just want to be the ear you scream in not the person you hate. And I dare not try to compare my life w/yours (the diabetes thing with Ethan). Can I just comlain that I have the worst PMS than anyone? lol

Denver Refashionista said...

yeah, everyone knows someone with MS. I have had at least two people tell me about their friend that died from MS.

steenky bee said...

I want you to know that I don't know anyone else that has MS. You're it. I'm learning about it over here. Yep, you're my life-line for this thing.

We've adopted both our children and when I tell people, I get a few responses....
1. Oh, I'm sorry. (Why would you be sorry?)
2. *head tilt* (I guess their speechless?)
3. They tell me about someone they know that is either related to them that has adopted (Great. I've NEVER met anyone else that has adopted children. Give me their number so I can call them. We must be the only two people ever to adopt children. Thanks for the insight)

Jean Knee said...

all i know is if i ever get something that makes my hands freeze up I sooo want you to be the one to pick my nose

you're welcome

Tracys Ramblings said...

Kelly-Yes, the shirts would rock. Know anyone who could make them for us?
and yes, there are a lot of cute low heeled options.

Ben-I thought Richard Pryor did something to himself with a crack pipe? No? He had MS too?

Cheese-I haven't had that happen yet. But I do dread it. I'm afraid that if someone in my own boat says something like that, I might hit them with my cane. {snicker}

Beth- You do not suck and stop telling yourself that! I had compeletely forgotten about that! I promise you that I did NOT write this post because of you!
You Rock!

Chrystal- Don't apologise for reading my blog! That's why I put it out there!
ANd we do need to stick together!

Tracys Ramblings said...

Denver-How in the world would they think that was helpful? Did you atleast hit them with something?

Steenky Bee- I love that you're learning through me! It's like we're in the Karate Kid Movie! Ahhhh, Grasshopper, this is my shiny new scooter. Wax on, wax off!

Jean Knee-I'm honored that I would be the one you choose for that most dudious job. I'm just glad that I don't have to go near your butt that all of your neighbors have been telling me about.

This Crazy Thing Called Motherhood said...

Yay, I still rock!

Patti said...

You crack me up!!! I love both your blogs.

Bald Ben said...

Richard Pyror did have MS, if you see the movie "lost Highway" by David Lynch (Pryor's last movie - and a great Lynch movie) Pryor is in a wheel chair. He did mess himself up pretty good with lots and lots of drugs, but after he was diagnosed he use to tell the joke that, "God gave me this MS shit to save my life."

R.W. Boughton said...

It's classic, isn't it? How about the one where they say "Oh, well ... you'll be in a wheelchair soon then, right?" I also like the ones where they make it sound like nothing, like "Oh yeah, my friend has that but he's pretty much cured himself with exercise." Gaaaah.

Casey said...

I personally hate when people tell me well so and so has MS and she is being treated this way, her doctor did this, so your doctor is doing it wrong. They act like they know more about the condition that I do and it is annoying. Everyday if I am not feeling well my mom says you need a new doctor. Mom, it takes time get used to it. I haven't even been diagnosed with MS yet just transverse myelitis, which is a lot like MS

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